"The entrance of thy words giveth light (Psalm 119:130)."
Oversensitivity
I once worked at a social service agency where the subject of emotional oversensitivity came up as part of our in-service training. The presenter made the following comment: "If you're going to be bothered by every little thing, this isn't the place for you."
Oversensitivity can be a big problem—both for people who are oversensitive—and for those who work with them.
In order to benefit from this article, it is necessary to first get saved.
For purposes of this article, oversensitivity is defined as being "thin skinned" or overly impacted by the attitudes, feelings, actions or comments of others.
We are all negatively impacted more than we'd like by other people. However, there are ways to reduce this impact.
Oversensitivity is often caused by five related factors. They follow.
First, the person's behavior is associated with a past hurt. Three examples follow: 1) If your early life experience includes authority figures who were verbally abusive, you may find yourself easily upset by anyone who is even mildly critical of you who is in a position of authority. 2) If you've suffered prolonged emotional abuse by a particular individual in the past, any future offense by that same person will likely elicit an emotional reaction far in excess of what would otherwise occur—even if you've already forgiven the individual. 3) If you were sexually abused, you may find yourself emotionally impacted by situations that would have no effect on other people. Example: A child in a group home once became very upset with me for being too close to him while he was sitting on the floor. He said I was "standing over" him. Later, after he had calmed down, he explained that he'd become upset as a result of having "issues." I knew, from his history, what he meant: He had been sexually abused.
Second: False beliefs.
Example:
If you've participated in psychotherapy, you may have been indoctrinated with the satanic lie that you must talk about everything. Therefore, it follows that you must always talk about everything that is even remotely offensive.
Participating in psychotherapy can have negative consequences—and this is a big one.
Never continue in therapy with someone who encourages you to share every thought that comes in to your mind.
Third, isolation. If you are used to being alone, minor issues become more problematic—you are not accustomed to dealing with these things.
Fourth: Negative self-concept/perspective/past experience.
"For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he." {Proverbs 23:7 paraphrase}
Emotional pain experienced in the past, as a result of offenses, results in increased sensitivity and a negative expectation going forward. More on this later.
Fifth, spiritual warfare. Satan is well-aware of your individual issues. And will seek to take advantage of them.
Unforgiveness and fear are especially problematic.
These result in spiritual footholds which give demons the ability to cause emotional distress.
I'll start with unforgiveness.
You always need to forgive other people from your heart. Otherwise, Satan gains a foothold and demons will torture you (Matthew 18:21-35). This is true even if—objectively speaking—the person did nothing wrong.
Next fear:
- " . . . fear involves torment." {1 John 4:18 NKJV}
- "Be anxious for nothing . . ." {Philippians 4:6 NKJV}
- "Trust in Him at all times . . ." {Psalm 62:8 NASB}
Giving in to fear is a sin. 'Be anxious for nothing' is a command, not a suggestion.
Fear always gives power to the devil.
Fear that you can't handle another person's comment gives power to the devil.
Fear that you must talk about every little thing gives power to the devil.
Compulsions to talk about every little thing will result in others viewing you as unstable.
Solutions specific to oversensitivity are provided later in the article.
More information, and a broader discussion, follow.
First: Use common sense. Avoid situations that will excessively impact you, when this is possible. For example, if you are easily impacted by criticism from authority figures, there are a number of alternatives to consider:
- Working for a family member.
- Becoming self-employed.
- Working on a job where you are largely independent. Examples: Gardener, delivery driver, garbage truck driver, custodian, electrician, elevator service technician.
- Working for someone who is consistently courteous, kind and pleasant.
- Working toward a position where you are the person in authority.
Second, if someone does something which, objectively speaking, really is offensive, you should generally say something—even if you don't feel badly upset. The Bible states: "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him (Luke 17:3 NKJV). "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over (Matthew 18:15 NIV). Which Scripture applies depends on the situation.
More information on dealing with anger is available in my articles on Anger Management, How to Forgive and the series entitled Getting Rid of Anger. Additional links are provided at the end of this article.
If someone is abusive and you don't say something—when you should—Satan usually gains a foothold. This is especially true if you spend time dwelling on the issue. I remember one situation where someone said something rude to me. I let it go because I wasn't really that upset at the time. Days later, Satan exercised the foothold—and then I was really upset. It took a while, but I finally was able to forgive her and break free. However, this all could have been prevented if I had simply said something at the time.
In circumstances such as these, it is generally not a good idea to say something later—unless the person is a close friend, close family member or someone else with whom you have a close personal relationship.
Third, there are circumstances where you need to say something—even if another person is not being abusive. For example, I had one supervisor whose response to questions was often "No No No NO! You do NOT do that! She didn't mean to be offensive, but she was really impacting my emotions. This caused me to experience depression. I finally said something to her, and only then did I experience relief from the depression.
Fourth: Whenever you are angry with another person and decide to discuss the issue with him/her, remember the two sentence rule. To discharge the anger, you must say at least two distinct sentences, each with no qualifiers.
- Correct example: "It ticked me off when you told the boss I didn't do my share of the work. I didn't like that at all."
- Incorrect example: "It ticked me off when you told the boss I didn't do my share of the work. I didn't like that, but anyway, what are you going to do about that file?"
Expressing your feelings—especially right after an incident occurs—makes it much easier to forgive and move on.
Remember the basics:
- Express that the incident bothered you.
- Don't be condemning.
- Forgive and seek to restore the relationship.
The person doesn't need to know how badly you were affected. Intimate personal relationships are an exception to this rule.
Fifth, whenever you're not sure what to do, turn the issue over to God right away.
Some Scriptures to keep in mind:
"Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you;
He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." {Psalm 55:22 NASB}
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." {Proverbs 3:5-8 NKJV}
"For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear,
Nor has the eye seen a God besides You,
Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him.
You meet him who rejoices in doing righteousness,
Who remembers You in Your ways." {Isaiah 64:4-5 NASB}
The basic steps for casting a burden are as follows:
- Surrender the issue to God.
- Trust & obey.
- Be willing to do whatever God says to do or not do.
- Wait until it becomes clear what to do.
- Don't dwell on the issue.
Be willing to say something, or not say anything, depending on whatever direction you receive from God.
God has to manage the situation—not you. Remember, God loves you and is smarter than you. He is also strong enough to carry the burden; that is, to help with your emotions.
However, He will usually only do so if you fully trust Him and humble yourself before Him; that is, tell God you need His help.
Don't dwell on the issue. Dwelling on an issue, unnecessarily, also amounts to taking the burden back. This will always be emotionally damaging, even if it is done in the context of forgiveness.
"When you are at rest about the situation and no longer tormented with thoughts about it, you know you have (successfully) cast the burden upon the Lord."1
More information is included in the article entitled How to Cast a Burden. Another link is provided at the end of the article.
Sixth: deal with fear issues. Recommendations follow.
Recite Scripture.
Examples:
- "Be anxious for nothing . . ." {Philippians 4:6 NASB}
- "Trust in Him at all times . . ." {Psalm 62:8 NASB}
- "Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." {John 14:27 NIV}
Use affirmations based on Scripture. These are especially effective.
Examples:
"Be anxious for nothing . . ." {Philippians 4:6 NASB}
Affirmation: I choose to be anxious for nothing.
"Trust in Him at all times . . ." {Psalm 62:8 NASB}
Affirmation: Lord, I trust You with this.
"Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." {John 14:27 NIV}
Affirmation: I will not be offended.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might." {Ephesians 6:10 NASB}
Affirmation: I am 'strong in the Lord.'
Repeat the affirmations as needed.
Reciting Scripture, and using affirmations, based on Scripture, avail you of supernatural power. Affirmations of intent, and affirmations of perspective, are also important and useful.
View offenses as a learning experience. Make an effort not to be offended. You will get better, with practice.
Seventh: Address unforgiveness issues.
Suggestions follow.
First: You always need to forgive other people from your heart. Otherwise, Satan gains a foothold and demons will torture you (Matthew 18:21-35). This is true even if—objectively speaking—the person did nothing wrong.
Second: Trust in the power of the Holy Spirit to enable you to forgive.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." {Philippians 4:13 NKJV}
Sometimes you can't forgive, or avoid being unduly impacted, in your own strength.
Third: forgive quickly.
“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity (Ephesians 4:26-27 NASB)."
Forgive before you go to bed. After that, you've given the devil an opportunity or legal foothold. Once the devil gets a foothold, it is much more difficult to forgive and break free.
Remember: forgive before you go to sleep.
Fourth: Give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, what others say can be interpreted several ways. Assuming the best makes it much easier to forgive.
One more point: If there is unforgiveness in regard to anyone, Satan can bring emotional distress to bear on you whenever he chooses. Thus, the impact of a current event can be exaggerated.
This last point needs to be clearly understood. I've had times when something small impacted me a lot. Later, I came to realize that there was still some unforgiveness in my heart in regard to someone else. And Satan was exercising the foothold. What was really impacting me was largely independent of the current issue which I thought had upset me.
Fifth: Adopt a positive attitude toward yourself. And don't take things personally; that is, don't internalize the negativity of others. Otherwise it will be very difficult, or impossible, for you to forgive and not be unduly adversely affected.
Affirmations are recommended.
A healthy, personal perspective:
- God loves me.
- I love me.
- I don't care what he (she) thinks.
- I don't expect myself to be perfect.
- I forgive myself.
You are defined by what God says about you and by what you choose to believe. These are a choice.
"For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he." {Proverbs 23:7 paraphrase}
Along the same lines as the above: If someone makes it clear that they believe something negative about you, it will be very difficult, or impossible, for you to forgive them unless you choose to, from your heart, disbelieve their perspective. This is something you can do.
Practice using affirmations and always correct negative thoughts.
This will strengthen you and make you more resilient. It will make it easier for you to forgive both yourself and other people.
Doug Britton MFT wrote: "There's no need to take it personally even if it was meant to be taken personally."
View offenses as a learning experience. Make an effort not to be offended. You will get better, with practice.
Unforgiveness is discussed, in more detail, in the article entitled How to Forgive. Another link is provided at the end of this article.
Eighth: Don't dwell on offenses.
Any offense you focus on becomes a bigger issue; that is, the spiritual foothold is strengthened.
". . . whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right . . . think about these things." {Philippians 4:8 NASB}
Demons will try to get you to keep thinking about these issues.
Think about something else.
More information is provided in the series entitled Stopping Spiritual Attacks. Another link is provided below.
Ninth: Get an 'accountability partner' whom you talk with every week. Pray for each other and discuss what is going on in your lives.
Select such a person carefully.
You will come under spiritual attacks, over little things, during conversations. However, in time, you will also learn how to trust God; you will no longer be unduly impacted. And you will no longer feel the need to talk about every little thing.
Finally: Remember, spiritual warfare is a fact of life. It is not reasonable to expect that you will come to a point where you never come under attack in some way. Attacks will include:
- Temporary emotional distress.
- Thoughts designed to disturb you.
It is important to respond intelligently to such attacks.
Oversensitivity can be a big problem. But I think you'll find that this approach will make things much easier.
Note: Also recommended:
- When Satan Gets a Foothold.
- Dealing With Offenses.
- Don't Take Things Personally.
- How to Forgive.
- Anger Management.
- Getting Rid of Anger.
- How to Cast a Burden.
- Stopping Spiritual Attacks.
1 https://walkwiththewise.org/how-to-practically-cast-your-burdens-upon-the-lord/
By using this website you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.