"The entrance of thy words giveth light (Psalm 119:130)."
Dealing With Offenses
""It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come!" {Luke 17:1 NKJV}
"With his mouth the godless person destroys his neighbor, But through knowledge the righteous will be rescued." {Proverbs 11:9 NASB}
In order for you to benefit from this article, it is necessary to first get saved.
"The ancient Greek word used here for offenses is skandalon, and it comes from the word for a bent-stick—the stick that springs the trap or sets the bait.1"
An offense is a trap. It's important that you not 'take the bait.'
Offenses will come. This is inevitable. You don't have to be defeated by them.
You can forgive and break free. No matter what somebody said or did. Even if they won't apologize.
You can also learn to not be unduly adversely affected in the first place.
Guidance follows.
Recognize that there are four basic issues that need to be addressed:
- Unforgiveness.
- Fear.
- Focus.
- Past experience/spiritual warfare.
Unforgiveness.
First: forgive others, from your heart. This is always necessary. Otherwise, you've given demons an opportunity and they will torture you. {Matthew 18:21-35} Anxiety and depression are common consequences.
Affirmation: I choose to forgive him (her).
Second: Trust in the power of the Holy Spirit to enable you to forgive.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." {Philippians 4:13 NKJV}
Sometimes, you can't forgive in your own strength.
Third: "Pray for those who hurt you." {Matthew 5:44 NIRV}
Get into the habit of praying, briefly, for those you're struggling to forgive, when these disturbing thoughts come to mind. This is a very effective way of countering unforgiveness.
Sometimes, praying for offenders is the only way to break free. Pray for what God would want for the person.
Fourth: Give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, what others say can be interpreted several ways. Assuming the best makes it much easier to forgive.
Fifth: Your own perspective is very important. Don't take things personally. Otherwise, it will be very difficult, or impossible, for you to forgive others.
Affirmations are recommended.
A healthy, personal perspective:
- God loves me. {Isaiah 43:4, John 16:27}
- I love me. {Mark 12:31}
- I don't care what he (she) thinks. {Ecclesiastes 7:21-22}
- I don't expect myself to be perfect.
- I forgive myself.
You are defined by what God says about you and by what you choose to believe. Your perspective is a choice.
Sixth: Along the same lines as the above: If someone makes it clear that they believe something negative about you, it will be very difficult, or impossible, for you to forgive them unless you choose to, from your heart, disbelieve their perspective. This is something you can do.
Seventh: forgive quickly.
“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity (Ephesians 4:26-27 NASB)."
Forgive before you go to bed. After that, you've given the devil an opportunity or legal foothold. Once the devil gets a foothold, it is much more difficult to forgive and break free.
Remember: forgive before you go to sleep.
Eighth: Sometimes, talking to the offender is advisable to facilitate the forgiveness process.
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." {Ephesians 4:31 NIV}
Two steps:
- Express that the issue caused you distress—without being condemning. Example: "that was offensive."
- Seek to part on good terms.
Try to do this when the offense occurs, or soon after. It's much easier this way.
Ninth: Sometimes, reconciliation is appropriate to enable you to break free. This is true whether you offended someone, they offended you, or both.
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." {Matthew 5:23-24}
Next, Fear. Fear, like unforgiveness, results in a spiritual foothold.
This includes the following:
- Fear that you can't forgive. If you fear you can't, you won't be able to.
- Fear that you can't handle the the negativity of others.
- Fear you can't handle the situation.
Anxiety and depression are common consequences of fear.
" . . . do not be frightened " {1 Peter 3:14 NIV}
" . . . fear involves torment." {1 John 4:18 NKJV}
"Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression . . ." {Proverbs 12:25 NKJV}
Reciting Scripture is recommended.
Examples:
- "Be anxious for nothing . . ." {Philippians 4:6 NASB}
- " . . . do not worry . . . " {Matthew 6:25 NIV}
- "Trust in Him at all times . . ." {Psalm 62:8 NASB}
- "Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." {John 14:27 NIV}
- "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." {Philippians 4:13 NKJV}
Affirmations, based on Scripture, are very effective.
Examples:
" . . . do not worry . . . " {Matthew 6:25 NIV}
Affirmations:
- I'm not going to worry about this.
- There's nothing to worry about.
- God is in control.
"Be anxious for nothing . . ." {Philippians 4:6 NASB}
Affirmations:
- I'm not going to get upset.
- I will not be offended.
- I choose to 'be anxious for nothing.'
- I don't care if he's (she's) angry.
- It's no big deal.
- God is in control.
"Trust in Him at all times . . ." {Psalm 62:8 NASB}
Affirmations:
- Lord, I trust you with this.
- God is in control.
Affirmations are effective: You are giving instructions to your subconscious mind and you are applying Scripture.
It's particularly important that you remember and affirm: God is in control.
Repeat affirmations as needed.
Next, focus.
Dwelling on offenses will always be detrimental. Even if the thoughts occur in the context of forgiveness.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." {Isaiah 43:18 NIV}
". . . whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right . . . think about these things." {Philippians 4:8 NASB}
Any offense you focus on becomes a bigger issue; that is, the spiritual foothold is strengthened.
Think about something else.
Past experience/spiritual warfare.
"For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he." {Proverbs 23:7 paraphrase}
Demons are well aware of your past history, biblical knowledge and spiritual vulnerabilities. Demons will tailor their spiritual attacks accordingly.
View offenses as learning experiences.
Make an effort not to be offended. You will get better, with practice.
Remember: use affirmations.
Additional guidance.
First: "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But whoever walks wisely will be delivered." {Proverbs 28:26 NKJV}
It is always necessary to respond wisely to offenses.
Sometimes, the appropriate response to to confront the offender (Matthew 18:15). Sometimes the appropriate response is to seek reconciliation (Matthew 5:23). Sometimes, the appropriate response is to say nothing, forgive and let it go (Proverbs 19:11).
"A person's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook an offense." {Proverbs 19:11 NASB}
Always walk wisely. Learn from your mistakes.
Second: Assertiveness, when called for, is important.
"Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]" {John 14:27 AMPC}
Two steps are required. These are used when challenges come up:
- Trust God.
- Act like you trust God.
Practice doing this. This gets easier with practice.
The purpose of assertiveness is to avoid being unduly affected. Cowering before people makes it much more difficult to forgive and break free.
"If you are afraid of people, it will trap you. But if you trust in the Lord, he will keep you safe." {Proverbs 29:25 NIRV}
Third: If more is needed on how to deal with a particular situation, three suggestions follow:
- Pray and listen.
- Seek out wise counsel.
- Cast your burden on the Lord. Wait. And be willing to do whatever God says to do or not do.
Fourth: Offenses often come for a reason. Is there something you could have done differently? Learn from your mistakes.
Fifth: Sometimes, something more will be needed if an offense results in recurring anxiety or depression.
Refer to the article series entitled When Satan Gets a Foothold. Another link is below.
Sixth: Remember, 'don't take the bait.' If you're dwelling of the offense and/or not forgiving, you're taking the bait. Stop doing this.
Finally: more information may be needed. Refer to the following:
- When Satan Gets a Foothold.
- Don't Take Things Personally.
- How to Forgive.
- Anger Management.
- Getting Rid of Anger.
- How to Cast a Burden.
1) EnduringWord.com
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