"The entrance of thy words giveth light (Psalm 119:130)."
Dealing With Offenses
""It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come!" {Luke 17:1 NKJV}
"With his mouth the godless person destroys his neighbor, But through knowledge the righteous will be rescued." {Proverbs 11:9 NASB}
In order for you to benefit from this article, it is necessary to first get saved.
"The ancient Greek word used here for offenses is skandalon, and it comes from the word for a bent-stick—the stick that springs the trap or sets the bait.1"
An offense is a trap. It's important that you not 'take the bait.'
Offenses will come. This is inevitable. You don't have to be defeated by them.
You can forgive and break free. No matter what somebody said or did. Even if they won't apologize.
You can also learn to not be unduly adversely affected in the first place.
Guidance follows.
Recognize that there are four basic issues that need to be addressed to avoid 'taking the bait.'
- Unforgiveness.
- Fear.
- Focus.
- Past experience/spiritual warfare.
Unforgiveness.
First: forgive others, from your heart. This is always necessary. Otherwise, you've given demons an opportunity and they will torture you. {Matthew 18:21-35} Anxiety and depression are common consequences.
Affirmation: I choose to forgive him (her).
Second: Trust in the power of the Holy Spirit to enable you to forgive.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." {Philippians 4:13 NKJV}
Sometimes, you can't forgive in your own strength.
Third: "Pray for those who hurt you." {Matthew 5:44 NIRV}
Get into the habit of praying, briefly, for those you're struggling to forgive, when these disturbing thoughts come to mind. This is a very effective way of countering unforgiveness.
Sometimes, praying for offenders is the only way to break free. Pray for what God would want for the person.
Fourth: Give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, what others say can be interpreted several ways. Assuming the best makes it much easier to forgive.
Fifth: Your own perspective is very important. Don't take things personally. Otherwise, it will be very difficult, or impossible, for you to forgive others.
Affirmations are recommended.
A healthy, personal perspective:
- God loves me. {Isaiah 43:4, John 16:27}
- I love me. {Mark 12:31}
- I don't care what he (she) thinks. {Ecclesiastes 7:21-22}
- I don't expect myself to be perfect.
- I forgive myself.
You are defined by what God says about you and by what you choose to believe. Your perspective is a choice.
Sixth: Along the same lines as the above: If someone makes it clear that they believe something negative about you, it will be very difficult, or impossible, for you to forgive them unless you choose to, from your heart, disbelieve their perspective. This is something you can do.
Seventh: forgive quickly.
“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity (Ephesians 4:26-27 NASB)."
Forgive before you go to bed. After that, you've given the devil an opportunity or legal foothold. Once the devil gets a foothold, it is much more difficult to forgive and break free.
Remember: forgive before you go to sleep.
Next, Fear. Fear, like unforgiveness, results in a spiritual foothold.
" . . . do not be frightened " {1 Peter 3:14 NIV}
" . . . fear involves torment." {1 John 4:18 NKJV}
Reciting Scripture is recommended.
Examples:
- "Be anxious for nothing . . ." {Philippians 4:6 NASB}
- "Trust in Him at all times . . ." {Psalm 62:8 NASB}
- "Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." {John 14:27 NIV}
Affirmations, based on Scripture, are especially effective. These are used when situations occur.
Examples:
"Be anxious for nothing . . ." {Philippians 4:6 NASB}
Affirmation: I choose to be anxious for nothing.
"Trust in Him at all times . . ." {Psalm 62:8 NASB}
Affirmation: Lord, I trust You with this.
"Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." {John 14:27 NIV}
Affirmations:
- I'm not going to get upset.
- I will not be offended.
- It's no big deal.
- I can handle this.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might." {Ephesians 6:10 NASB}
Affirmation: I am 'strong in the Lord.'
Repeat the affirmations as needed. If you can avoid being unduly affected in the first place, forgiveness becomes much easier.
Next, focus.
Closely related to the issue of fear is focus. Any offense you focus on becomes a bigger issue; that is, the spiritual foothold is strengthened.
". . . whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right . . . think about these things." {Philippians 4:8 NASB}
Think about something else.
Past experience/spiritual warfare.
"For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he." {Proverbs 23:7 paraphrase}
Demons are well aware of your past history, biblical knowledge and spiritual vulnerabilities. Demons will tailor their spiritual attacks accordingly.
View offenses as a learning experiences.
Make an effort not to be offended. You will get better, with practice.
Additional guidance.
First: don't dwell on offenses.
Dwelling on offenses will always be detrimental. Even if the thoughts occur in the context of forgiveness.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." {Isaiah 43:18 NIV}
". . . whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right . . . think about these things." {Philippians 4:8 NASB}
Second: "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But whoever walks wisely will be delivered." {Proverbs 28:26 NKJV}
It is always necessary to respond wisely to offenses.
Sometimes, the appropriate response to to confront the offender (Matthew 18:15). Sometimes the appropriate response is to seek reconciliation (Matthew 5:23). Sometimes, the appropriate response is to say nothing, forgive and let it go (Proverbs 19:11).
"A person's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook an offense." {Proverbs 19:11 NASB}
Always walk wisely. Learn from your mistakes.
Third: Assertiveness, when called for, is important.
"Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]" {John 14:27 AMPC}
Two steps are required. These are used when challenges come up:
- Trust God.
- Act like you trust God.
Practice doing this. This gets easier with practice.
The purpose of assertiveness is to avoid being unduly affected. Cowering before people makes it much more difficult to forgive and break free.
"If you are afraid of people, it will trap you. But if you trust in the Lord, he will keep you safe." {Proverbs 29:25 NIRV}
Fourth: If more is needed on how to deal with a particular situation, three suggestions follow:
- Pray and listen.
- Seek out wise counsel.
- Cast your burden on the Lord. And be willing to do whatever God says to do or not do.
Fifth: Offenses often come for a reason. Is there something you could have done differently? Learn from your mistakes.
Sixth: The interventions provided earlier will help you deal, successfully, with situations and spiritual attacks. However, once demons get a spiritual foothold, think persistent or recurring anxiety, something more is needed.
Refer to the article series entitled When Satan Gets a Foothold in regard to how to deal with this circumstance. Another link is provided below.
Finally: additional recommended articles:
- When Satan Gets a Foothold.
- Don't Take Things Personally.
- Anger Management.
- How to Forgive.
- Getting Rid of Anger.
- Declarations to Strengthen You.
- Stopping Spiritual Attacks.
- How to Cast a Burden.
1) EnduringWord.com
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